Prophetic Theatre OR What does Theatre of the Oppressed have to do with Jesus?

Imagine a theater in which the very presence of God mingles with the audience, a grand, mystical, magical mess! Oh, what merriment! Imagine a theater in which an audience goes expecting to see one thing and encounters so...much...more! Oh, I'm not talking about bait and switch. I'm speaking of desires and expectations EXCEEDED! The Jesus I know is a God of excess. Why should it be any different as he steps into a theatrical space?

The following are the lyrics from a song I wrote many years ago, encapsulating much of my passion for this industry. (Note: The line about nations bowing down is less an image of spiritual servitude and moreso a representation of glad reverence to a God who is oh so good.)

"I want to see heaven open,
And you're healing pouring down!
I want to see hearts unbroken!
Whoa-oh! Oh! Oh!

I want to see the dead reviving,
And the nations bowing down.
I want to see the culture thriving.
Whoa-oh! Oh! Oh!

Come and savor God's great favor.
Comfort all who mourn.
Crowns of beauty instead of ashes
Our heads he will adorn.
Oil of gladness, no more sadness,
Praise and not despair!
We'll grow strong as righteous oaks.
God's splendor we declare!"

For a further foray into my heart for the theatre and its connections with theories behind Theatre of Liberation (aka Theatre of the Oppressed), I invite you to read the following paper that I wrote towards the end of my Advanced Theatre of the Oppressed course at NYU last semester.

Theatre of the Prophetic:

A Spiritual Perspective of The Rainbow of Desire

by David Ello

Augusto Boal believed in the power of discourse to affect lasting change, arguing that

dialogue can help those involved in the conversation to come to new or heightened

understandings with potential to lead to a better world. He believed that all of this could be

accomplished through the language of theatre, relying on images and words where dependence

upon words alone sometimes fails at realizing what is there. “We are conscious of something

when we are capable of explaining it---however well or badly, totally or in part” (Boal, 1995, p.

34). When there is a problem at hand, whether internal or external, it cannot be solved until the

nature of the problem becomes clear in the consciousness of others, and I believe Boal's

therapeutic theatre methods described in The Rainbow of Desire provide useful insights for the

amelioration of human problems on both the physical and spiritual plane. My introduction to

Boal's more therapeutic branch of T.O. known as The Rainbow of Desire mirrored many of my

own beliefs about transforming human brokenness, and I am excited to further explore the

connection between Boal's work and a type of “prophetic theatre” that calls out the best in others.

Reading The Rainbow of Desire, I was reminded of why I first got excited about Boal's

work when I learned about it years ago: the theatre's potential to change an old reality into a new

one, moving aesthetically from what was and what is to what could be. In this book, after some

eloquent discourse on the actor's ability to conjure the worst parts of the inner self to endow a

character on stage with malevolent attributes, Boal flips the idea around, proposing that through

acting, humans can all awaken the best in themselves, even that which is hiding underneath the

surface (Boal, 2005, p. 38). Whatever is needed within a person that has not manifested in

present reality has the potential to be called out through theatrical discourse, as in Boal's example

regarding fear and courage: “I am afraid, but inside of me there also lives the courageous man; if

I can wake him up, perhaps I could keep him awake.” Beginning with a more individualistic

approach, then branching out into the communal, The Rainbow of Desire techniques continually

point towards what could be, presenting numerous possibilities of hope to participants who

desire to change, to be more than what they have been. “Our personality is what it is, but it is

also what it is becoming. If we are fatalists, then there is nothing to be done; but if we are not,

then we can try” (Boal, 1995, p. 39).

As a man who has spent considerable time and energy conquering my own fears and

internal limitations, enjoying the deep rest and freedom that comes as so many internal obstacles

are dismantled, the theatre's potential to affect such positive, relational breakthroughs resonates

with my heart on a very deep level. While the personal breakthroughs I experienced preceded my

knowledge of Rainbow of Desire, I can see several parallels in the way that this work brings

hidden obstacles to the surface to begin the process of overcoming them, especially as it relates

to my experiences as a follower of Jesus.

The charismatic, Christian culture with which I identify the most is replete with language

that calls upon individuals and groups to overcome obstacles and rise up to their true identities,

ones which may not be visible in the present moment but are nonetheless what they believe God

to be calling them to. This kind of encouragement we refer to as “prophetic,” given its tendency

to look beyond the limitations of the present and declare an experience of greater freedom that

has yet to be tasted, whether it be freedom from fear, from feelings of inferiority, from jealousy,

or from another oppressive state. Similar to Boal's language about awakening the deeper

qualities of good in a person, the Bible offers several invitations for people to rise beyond their

present limitations, calling upon greater strength from within, such as this encouragement from

the apostle Paul to his protege, Timothy:

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the

laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us

power, love and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 New International Version)

I also think of Jesus' words to his disciples, a rabble made mostly of uneducated

fisherman, a tax collector, a political zealot, and a few others. Jesus declared prophetically what

he saw them to be once he brought the greatness out in them, which was still to come: “You are

the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no

longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot” (Matthew 5:13).

Unfortunately, it would appear that the latter part of Jesus' prophetic words to his

disciples have come true as much as the former, given how tasteless the actions of so much of the

church has been in its relation to the world at times, not always embodying the flavorful,

preservative mineral that Jesus intended his disciples to be, then and now. But what if more who

subscribe to Jesus' teachings, myself included, were to carry a positive prophetic attitude, calling

out the best in others as Jesus did in this case, rather than pointing fingers and casting judgment

based on so many externalities? Regardless of where an individual stands on issues of faith and

morality, anyone could reasonably argue that we could use more love in the world, and if I can

emulate more love through a prophetic theatre practice that calls forth the best in people, I

believe others will benefit.

Although Boal did not write his Rainbow of Desire techniques from a Judeo-Christian

perspective and they are not intended for use as a pseudo-spiritual practice, I nonetheless see

other parallels in this work which inspire me to ponder the spiritual implications that this or work

like it can have in settings where prophetic theatre is the intention. One such parallel is the idea

of “Metaxis” which Boal defines as “the state of belonging completely and simultaneously to

two different, autonomous worlds: the image of reality and the reality of the image” (2005, p.

42). He describes how participants of Rainbow of Desire techniques create a theatrical image

which at first represents the image of reality that participants drew from—their past or present

experience—while taking on a life of its own in the theatrical space: “The oppressed creates

images of his reality. Then, he must play with the reality of these images...The oppressed must

forget the real world which was the origin of the image and play with the image itself, in its

artistic embodiment” (2005, p. 44). So too, in prophetic spiritual practice, one is aware of the

present reality but must put what is seen aside in order to envision what is unseen and begin to

speak and act in reality as if that unseen realm is visible. In this regard, Rainbow of Desire feels

very prophetic to me, though its intentions are not spiritually aimed, and whether or not one

chooses to frame the oppressions in a spiritual light, it excites me that Boal has written so

thoughtfully about this delicate balance between playing in two realms at once. In a similar vein,

speaking of the renewal of the inner man, the apostle Paul writes, “So we fix our eyes not on

what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is

eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:18).

One of the most exciting connections between Rainbow of Desire and the prophetic is

that the two realms of play are connected, whereby action taken in one realm bears upon the

other. Boal writes, “He practices in the second world (the aesthetic),in order to modify the first

(the social)...If the oppressed-artist is able to create an autonomous world of images of his own

reality, and to enact liberation in the reality of these images, he will then extrapolate into his own

life all that he has accomplished in fiction. The scene, the stage, becomes the rehearsal space for

real life” (Boal, 2005, p. 44). Taking this idea a step further, what if the action accomplished in

the fiction by a theatrical participant is not simply rehearsing for reality or acting in fiction but

actually shifting reality on another plane? Historically, some Jewish prophets would not only

make verbal declarations of what they believed God to be telling them would happen in the

future but would actually act out the prophecy as it was given, such as the prophet Ezekiel who

the Biblical account records as staging a siege using a block of clay, an iron pan, and a few other

props (Ezekiel 4: 1-3). What if the act of performing a prophetic word was part of the means

which God was using to bring that word into a spiritual reality—in other words, starting with the

physical to affect the spiritual? What if participants of Rainbow of Desire techniques are not only

shifting their inner worlds as they work through oppressions that they face in the real world but

are actually altering the atmosphere around them such that their rehearsal for reality has a greater

opportunity to take root when and if applied in an actual oppressive scenario? These are

questions that I have begun to ask in my exploration of Rainbow of Desire and which I plan to

delve into further through actual praxis, both with those who subscribe to a particular faith and

with those who do not. Boal's techniques have provided me with new tools to explore the idea

that “faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews

11:1, King James Version). Or in Boal's words, “Actors search the depths of the soul and the

infinity of the metaphysical. Bless them!” (2005, p. 37). May we search on, given his blessing!

Works Cited

Boal, A. (1995). The rainbow of desire: The Boal method of theatre and therapy. London and

New York: Routledge.

Playing with Poetry from 2009

This is a revision of a piece I wrote and posted on here back in 2009. I may revise it further, but here's what I've done with it this evening. Enjoy!


We are...the fruit of his lips
He, the root of our tree,
the legs to our hips.

We are...his ripened harvest,
the velvet liquid,
pouring from his bottle,
sloshing in the glass.

He is...
He...
is...


We are...the cotton of his candy,
the lolly of his pop.
We are, the chocolate chip
in his cookie dough.

He is the oven.
We are the bread.

We are the oven.
He is the bread.

Ri...
Rise...
RISE!

You are...the raindrops on my window,
crashing gently,
trickling with violence,
demanding to come in.

Ra-tap, ta-tat tat....tappa tap tip!
Ba-dip ba dip ba dip...
da rop...drop...
Drip!

What to Do When The Chai's Not Ready...or How to Deal with Delay

Have you ever been waiting for something, then realized in the process that the thing that you're waiting for may take a lot longer than you had planned? Have you ever been so sure about something and felt so confident about your timing, then realized that whatever you had been brooding over would not necessarily be finished in the time you had allotted? Let's get more practical here. What are you to do, when you've been confidently pursuing a goal, a direction, perhaps a promise from God---if you believe like me that God speaks to humans---and you suddenly find yourself on a steep slope of indefinite delay? While I do not claim to have all of the answers, I do feel like I reached a breakthrough in this area this morning, and I'm eager to share it with you.

I was talking to God about this---actually, I've been talking to him a lot about this off and on---and this morning, I felt like he gave me a helpful key. First, let's look at two that I'm finding not so helpful. I'm going to frame this with the metaphor of chai, since that's how Jesus spoke to me this morning.

Imagine that you're making a big pot of chai, and you plan for it to be your best chai yet. You're confident about the recipe, the ingredients are fresh and in order, and as you proceed with each step, the aroma of the heavenly brew begins to stimulate your senses! "This is going to be an amazing chai!" you might say. You know that it's going to take some time, as it's a huge pot of chai, and the spices need to simmer long enough for their potent qualities to permeate the golden liquid. So you wait, you stir, you give it the time it needs, and more and more, the manifestation of chai becomes apparent before your eyes. It's time to remove the spices and pour in the milk! (I skipped the description of the previous steps, such as brewing the tea, so as not to turn this into a post on how to make chai.) Fast-forward. The beloved substance before you now looks like chai and smells like chai, and you've given it enough time, seemingly, for more of the water to boil out such that the milk takes its proper place to create a creamy consistency. The consistency should be right by now, so the spices can be removed and the sugar added. But wait! It's not thick enough yet! It's too watery! All of this time, and it's still not ready? What are we to do?

There are two options, no three, for how to proceed in the face of disappointing delay.

Option 1: Give up on the chai all together, concluding that the recipe was all wrong, and all of the time, energy, and ingredients invested were spent on a lost cause. You got it wrong. Pour out your progress, and count your losses, since you don't believe more time will really help. The recipe's wrong, remember?

Option 2: Keep believing, keep stirring, just give that chai more time, and test the consistency periodically to know when it's ready for the next stage. You got the recipe right...it's just going to take more time than you thought. Stick with it, thirsty for chai though you may be, and neglectful as you might operate towards the other needs in your day.

I'll share Option 3 right after I expound on these first two. Option 1 is in some regard, the safest route, since if the recipe is indeed wrong, more time is not necessarily going to help things. It will just end up in more wasted time and greater disappointment after further hope and time were invested. But it's also the most wasteful option if indeed the recipe turns out to be right and what's needed really is more time. Option 2 is a good bet, as on many occasions, more time and patience is what's needed, though the fast pace of a high-speed, instant-everything society can make that difficult. Even so, if the recipe is right, then the ingredients are fine, and it's important to give the process its due.

But there's a problem with Option 2. Continuing with the metaphor of chai-making, this second option keeps one stirring and staring at the brew that is becoming, leaving the maker very thirsty and wanting in the process, and neglecting other needful activities that would have otherwise made for a very good day. You've heard the term "stir-crazy?" Well, I'd say that in some cases, that's an appropriate descriptor of what this option can do to a maker of chai who does not know how long it will be until the consistency is right. Having made many chai's myself, I know what it's like to stew in front of the pot, stirring, waiting, checking, tasting, waiting some more...And the thing about chai is that you can't simply leave it to simmer on its own, not the way I do it anyway. Somebody MUST remain with the pot at all times, lest the milk get too hot and boil over. But we don't want to go stir-crazy either, do we? So what's the solution? That's where Option 3 comes into play! Ready?

Option 3: Continue stirring for a bit, realizing that the recipe is right---you didn't get it wrong---and it's just going to need more time, and when God comes walking into the kitchen, offering to take your place at the stove, gladly accept his offer. Here's how I see this playing out between him and me or him and you:

God: Hey, it smells good!

You/Me: Yeah, I thought it was going to be a really good chai, but I don't know now.

God: My recipe's good. And I saw you getting everything ready. You're gonna be fine. Just give it some more time.

You/Me: That's what I was thinking too, that it just needs more time, and I should just be patient. But I don't know. I'm going stir-crazy here standing in front of this stove! I smell the chai, and I see it's going to be good, but I can't have it right now. And I'm really ready for some caffeination!

God: Why don't you let me take your place here, and mosey on into the living room. I made you some tea there, some of your favorite, and there's some shortbread for you too. Go. Take a rest. I'll let you know when this is ready. It's my recipe anyway, remember? You go and relax. Chai is supposed to be life-giving, not soul-sucking.

You/Me: Ain't that the truth? Okay, God. Thanks for taking over. Let me know if you want me to come back and stir some more.

God: Will do! Enjoy!

So, what does this look like practically? There are obviously different ramifications for whatever your particular situation is and depending upon what your particular chai is in this case. But I think these tips are fair across the board:

1. Get out of the kitchen for awhile. Find some space where you're not looking at and smelling the aromas of the chai that's just not ready yet. (In reality, that would be very difficult if making true chai in a small space, but perhaps your living space is larger than mine. This is where the metaphor breaks down, but ah well.)

2. Enjoy the tea that's already brewed and whatever treats are available to soothe your hunger. I find that God is always preparing something for the future, so what did he prepare in the past that finds its future present today? That last question might have felt like a quandry in time travel, so here it is another way: If something's not ready to enjoy right now, what IS ready? What is around you that is perfect for this present season? Go invest in that. The chai will continue to brew, and God will tell you when it's ready or when he wants your help again in the making.

3. The best things take time. Good chai cannot be rushed. Neither can the richest gifts that God wants to give us. If there's tremendous delay, it might just mean that the end result is going to be better than you thought. A baby takes 9 months to grow in the mother's womb, and even after birth, it still has a lot of growing to do. But it's always becoming more complete, its richness revealed layers at a time. Enjoy the process. But if the process is maddening, go back to suggestions 1 and 2 above. :-)

I myself am a dreamer. I don't typically go for the mediocre, which means that I go for the biggest adventures instead, the greatest desires. A great story, however, often requires many chapters, and that will unfortunately involve some delay. But which story would you rather be living? Or to go back to our chai metaphor, which brew would you rather be drinking? Watery and weak, or the creamy and rich, that most beloved substance? I'll take the latter...and I'll gladly let God stir...so I don't go crazy. Won't you join me in the other room for some tea and cookies in the meantime?

P.S. If you would like a soundtrack for this post, listen to the song "Run" by Collective Soul.

Seeds, Soil, and Dreaming in the Now

What do you think when you hear the words "dreams," "dreaming," or "dreamer?" Does it conjure images and feelings of things ethereal or distant, or a substance so heavy yet so light that you cannot quite grasp it? Dreams are typically thought of as just out of reach, whether we are talking about the images that flow through our minds while we sleep or the life visions that propel our lives forward through the mundane in pursuit of something better. I, for one, am a big dreamer, and today I would like to explore something that inspired me in a podcast I listened to last night entitled "Living the Dream" by Danny Silk. The idea I want to explore is, <i>What if we could actually experience and give out of the substance of our dream (or dreams) right now in the present?

For those of you who don't know, Danny Silk is a pastor on staff at Bethel Church in Redding, California, and he is one of the many speakers there whose sermons rock my world on a regular basis. You may be wondering at this point, "Wait a minute. Did you just say that a sermon rocked your world? Are you kidding?" If that is you, I'm actually excited that you are reading this because you have an opportunity to experience something incredibly rich and life-giving that you have probably otherwise experienced as dull or irrelevant up until now. Just as there is a good way to cook chicken (insert vegetable of your choice here if you do not eat meat) and a bad way to cook chicken, and as chicken-eaters (or vegetable eaters) all have varying tastes, the same is true for the presentation of sermons. Some are full and juicy, some are bland and dry, in need of salt, and some are in between, neither the perfection of poultry nor culinary disaster. If you want to get a taste of the particular sermon I am talking about, check it out (and many others like it) here: http://podcasts.ibethel.org/en/. If it ends up taking you to a general page, look for the podcast entitled "Living the Dream."

Now that I have hopefully piqued your interest in exploring the joy of sermons (think of 'em as inspirational talks with incredible revelation and truth packed in), one of the statements that struck me the most in Danny Silk's sermon was this idea that our dreams are primarily for the good of others. Yes, we get to enjoy our dreams, both in the process of pursuing them and in living them out, and that's such a gift, but if we make it all about ourselves and how good we are going to feel as we are pursuing or living out those dreams, we've missed the point, and they are likely to become an unhealthy weight in our lives. The truth is that all of our amazingness is meant to impact others in a positive way, not to simply sit as our own personal reservoir for us to drink from and enjoy. There's a reason the Dead Sea is called the Dead Sea. The salt water doesn't flow out anywhere. It remains within itself. What a waste to the waters around it. The same can be said for our lives and in this case, our dreams.

That brings me to another thought I was pondering with Jesus this morning and the reason for me writing this blog. I thought, "Okay, what is it that I want my dreams to do to others?" (in a good way) "and how can I pursue the heart of that right now even while the fullness of those dreams are not yet manifested?" To put it another way, what is at the heart of my dreams in terms of how they are going to affect people, and what can I do right now, today, to cultivate that in my life and in the lives of others?

I conjecture that we can actually perform the substance of our dreams right now, since the seed of those dreams lies within us, what God has put in each and every one of us, and the manifestation of those dreams just multiplies the scope of how many people we are able to reach with that substance. Let's break it down into very practical terms, using an example from my own life.

David (that's me) wants to revolutionize the mainstream theatre world from the inside out, taking what he sees as a broken system (albeit with some very beautiful working parts) and restoring it, with the help of others, to a glorious wholeness which produces greater life through the art that is created and the way that it is created. David wants to see greater opportunities for actors and other theatre artists of color who have historically been marginalized for reasons unjust. David wants to make high-quality theatre more accessible to the poor. David wants to foster theatre-making atmospheres in which every person involved, from the production crew to the actors with the smallest parts, feel incredibly vital to the community of which they are a part and thoroughly safe to be who they are. David wants to raise up an army of playwrights, producers, and directors who will create works of greater substance, honoring what's good, noble, pure, right, and exposing the very real evil and brokenness that exists in the world. (This means that not all art has to be pretty in order to be pure and potent. Sometimes dark chocolate tastes better than milk chocolate. Both have their place.) David wants to see more work like this get into the mainstream theatre sector, serving as a norm in the industry and not simply the unseen anomaly to be kept hidden underground for a select subculture. No. It's time to change the game. Serve one another and slay the dragon. If theatre became more about serving others than serving the self, it would look totally different. And it will.

So, that is some of my dream, in a nutshell. It actually doesn't fit into a nutshell, which is why there is more of it not even listed up there, and which is why it is a DREAM. Dreams don't fit into nuts...but they do begin as seeds, and grow beyond what at first appears minuscule to become something much bigger. We must not neglect the seeds of our dreams. Seeds need to be cultivated in the right soil before they can grow (most of the time, anyway...Some seeds will grow regardless. How cool is that?). I think that soil is our hearts, and the more we cultivate that soil (or let God cultivate it with us, in his loving way), the more the seed begins to grow and the greater potential that beanstalk or tree has to develop into something MASSIVE.

In this analogy, there are two things that I feel we can do. One is to ask, "What is the seed--not the big tree that the dream will be but the heart of the dream?"

In my case, it's a heart to see worship of God returned to the center of theatre-making, broken hearts made whole, fractured lives mended, and relationships restored. It is to see people step into who they are meant to be as individuals and as communities and through stepping into their destinies, to make the world brighter...to give the world CHAI! If I could condense all of this into one sentence, one thought, perhaps it's found again in my chai imagery, that I want the chai of God to caffeinate people's souls and awaken them to new realities, brightening the world as they step into their destinies as individuals and communities. I want people to taste Jesus' chai and come to life.

The question here then becomes, "What can I do with this seed right now?" or "How can I pursue these things at this very moment, without the external parts of my dream having taken place fully yet?"

If we continue to use my own dreams as an example for this breakdown, I can call people into their destinies on a daily basis through encouraging them and speaking words of identity over them. I can be a peacemaker in the lives of my friends and others, helping to restore relationships. I can create works of life or simply BE the work of life that God has made me and so allow others to drink of the chai that he has put in me. I can write a blogpost like this!

What about you? What are the seeds of your dreams, and what can YOU do to cultivate them right now? Take a minute and actually think about it. It might just change your whole day. Ha! Once you've done that (or if you need some further help fleshing this out), read on.

The second big right-now thing that we can do is to cultivate that soil I mentioned, namely the condition of our hearts. If that is where the seed is to grow, then we surely want the soil to give it the best potential for growing into the most full expression of dream that it can. Perhaps our hearts determine how far a dream will grow, or if it will grow at all.

So how can we cultivate that soil? For me, it has a lot to do with letting Jesus, Holy Spirit, and God the Father, soften that soil through daily conversation, meditation on the truth (as revealed in the Bible and in other congruent things that have been spoken to me through others), and taking risks where God wants to stir the soil up. If I just remain a sessile piece of earth and say, "No God! No stirring today! I'm just gonna stay right here and you're not gonna move any of this dirt around!" I'll just become a hardened mound of dry soil and clay. And we know how hard it is to work with hardened clay. If, however, I say, "Okay, God, you want to shift things around? I'll let you," then the soil is tilled and things that were hard or were becoming too heavy are aerated and even watered where needed.

This also implies action on our part. Sometimes, we get to till the soil of our own heart along with God. Jesus might say, "Hey, see that patch over there? It needs some water" or "Let's throw some manure over there." And we can say, "What? Water? MANURE?" and resist even stepping in that direction for fear of a mess, or we can say "Okay, I'm not sure about this, but your fertilizer worked well last time, so I'm willing to give this a go. Just help me with the manure part, alright?"

In my life, this looks like reaching out to people whom I wouldn't otherwise reach out to, or considering working with a student population in theatre that brings me outside of my comfort zone but reminds me that it is important to give to people whose differences challenge me.

What about you? Which area of soil is God wanting to cultivate in your heart right now? If you don't believe in God, you're certainly welcome to try to cultivate that soil on your own, and I would applaud you for your noble effort. However, from personal experience trying to fix myself up in my own strength, I can tell you that it's hard to work with the manure from the outside when there's plenty of manure I can't deal with on the inside. Sometimes a whole new heart is the only way to reset the pH levels in the soil. And to quote the title of a song my mom, Cat Ello, wrote, ("Jesus, Gardener of my Heart") "Jesus" is the only gardener that can do that kind of soil transplant. (See Matthew 13 if you are interested in looking further into this imagery of Jesus as a gardener.)

So what are the seeds of your dreams? What is the thrust of them, the heart behind all of the activity? How can you engage in that thrust today, RIGHT NOW? And how is the soil of your heart in which your dreams can truly thrive and grow into all they were meant to be? How can you cultivate that soil, not tomorrow, not in the future, but RIGHT NOW, TODAY? If you need some gardening tips, I've got a guy you can talk to. ;-) Let's get dreaming...today.

"Jesus Gardener of my heart,
break this fallow ground apart.
Loosen every layer of the hardness that's in me.
You have plans that I don't know.
Fruitful seeds in me you'll sow.
Come prepare the soil.
You're the Gardener of my heart." -From "Jesus, Gardener of My Heart" on Cat Ello's upcoming CD of original music.

Desire's End or What Pac-Man Really Wants

For the past month or two, I have been intrigued by some sayings that I came across in the book of Proverbs, sayings that have to do with desire. I have been trying to wrap my mind and heart around these verses because on the surface they seem so good, yet at the same time, experience could dictate otherwise. Which is it? Are these sayings untrue, or do I need to go deeper to discover what they are really saying? Today, I want to talk about DESIRE through the lens of these three proverbs. I bet you are wondering what they are. Let's jump in!

King Solomon, the same guy I quoted much of in my last post, had this to say about desire in a book we now know as Proverbs: "The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath." -Proverbs 11:23

Lest this proverb be shucked off an anomaly and not worth really considering, there are two other proverbs that say something very similar in the chapter just before: "What the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted." -Proverbs 10:24

"The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing." -Proverbs 10:28

Do you see a pattern here? See what this king is saying? It almost seems too good to be true, when taken at face value, and too many experiences of failed hopes can further the argument to give these sayings little real attention and to quickly move on. But we can't move on. We shouldn't. We'll miss something very deep, very important. And since when does experience become the barometer for truth? I find that often my own experiences have been misinterpreted by a cloudy vision on my part, thus preventing myself from knowing the truth of a situation for what it really was. So let's include experience in our discourse but treat it with less weight than it is due.

I want to break this apart some, as I do believe King Solomon is getting at something deeper than what's on the surface of these verses. Yet what is on the surface is not to be missed. Let's just focus on the first one. It says that "the desire of the righteous ends only in good," as opposed to the hopes of the wicked, which don't end well. Here is where experience would come in and tell us, "Ah, ah! Not so fast! That's not how it really works. Look at all of those selfish people who do whatever they want at the demise of others and get away with it! They get what they want. Their hopes aren't completely deflated." Or, experience might say something like this, on the other side: "You consider yourself righteous, yet look at all of the desires in your life that haven't been fulfilled. Look at all of the times in which you've hoped and not received that which you desired. Surely something is wrong here."

I was journaling just earlier, and trying to pick apart this proverb in question (from Proverbs 11:23). Something hit me. It is perhaps the END of our desire that it truly fulfilled, and I don't simply mean "end" as in "end of life," though that can be true at times. It hit me that someone who has a truly righteous desire, a hope or want that comes from a place that is pure and is centered in God, is going to indeed get that desire fulfilled, the root of it, or the END of it.

Let's look at it this way. If you are desiring to do something great with your life and have a specific way in which you aim to do it, it is very likely that you will achieve that, but perhaps you won't. However, the desire itself is good, what is driving it and what is at the root, so the END of that desire (what ends up actually fulfilling it) is going to be nothing but good. Make sense yet? Let's break it down further:

Let's look at Pac-Man. ("Pac-Man?" you might ask. Yes, Pac-Man. It just came to me. Let's see where this goes.) What is Pac-Man's desire. His desire is to eat all of the little dots in his path, and the fruits along the way while preventing getting eaten by any ghosts. There are many ways in which Pac-Man can do this, but let's pretend that he had one set of directions he wanted to follow, and one set only.

"I, Pac-Man, want to go straight, left, up, left, and right, then eat only cherries and and a banana along the way to my destination."

Now, what if Pac-Man, because of the ghosts who come along to corner him, has to take a different route? Suppose he gets to go straight, left, and up, but finds he has to go right first, then right again? And what if he missed the cherries and banana but he got a good gulp of strawberry along the way? Let us also suppose that Pac-Man completed his level. He arrived at his destination, and the end of it was good. Did he get what he wanted?

I think our lives are similar. There are all kind of things that we desire, when perhaps what we really desire beyond the specifics are the root, heart fulfillments that those specifics provide. In Pac-Man's case, he wants to get to his goal in a certain manner and have some tart and sweet fruit along the way (the cherries and the banana). Maybe he could have gotten everything just as he wished, but in our example, he got strawberries instead (and went another route). I conjecture that strawberries are both tart AND sweet, so Pac-Man got the better deal. And he reached the end of his destination, albeit going a different way.

Am I saying that we are never to desire specific things, since there is something deeper underneath that we want and will receive the root fulfillment from? No, not at all. Actually, I would say the opposite. In a world where multiple ghosts and roadblocks come to divert us from the path we've set ourselves on (Pac-Man, speak, mind you), it is all too easy to give up on desiring wholeheartedly and instead settle for whatever comes, or worse, remaining complacently stationary. It is good for Pac-Man to want those cherries, just as it is good for us to desire specific things! Maybe he will get the cherries (he sometimes does), and maybe we will achieve what we are specifically desiring (often times we do). I daresay it is in pursuit of those desires that we can come to a place of receiving the END of that desire, whether it is what we specifically sought out for or not. Imagine Pac-Man not moving anywhere. Those ghosts would gobble him up in a second, and do so repeatedly until...yup...Game Over. But that is not you and me. No, we shall be brave enough to desire, and we will win. Leave the wrath for those pesky ghosts. That's the end of their desire.

Are you afraid to desire? Are you desiring, but not desiring as big and and boldly as you think or know you can? Don't brace yourself for disappointment and forget to move. That's no way to live. Desire boldly, and let that desire move you in extravagant pursuit of that which you long for. If your desire is rooted in righteousness, you'll be fine. And the way to make sure it is rooted in righteousness is...well, I'll leave you with one other verse, one of my favorites, from the Psalms, and you can figure it out.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

Juggling, Tennis, and the Secret of Successful Planning

What if you didn't have to impress anybody? What if you didn't have to worry about messing up your life by making the wrong choice in a matter or taking the wrong step in a particular direction? What if---just what IF--this was a year in which you could run uninhibited after the inclinations of your heart and know that you would end up okay, safe---no, better than safe---better than where you started? My friends, I propose that it is just such a year, with a magic IF. Let's explore this, shall we? I'm sure you want to know what the IF is, IF such a scenario is possible. Let's see!

Being the beginning of the new year, this is a time when many, myself included, reflect on the past and, more importantly, start planning and dreaming for what's ahead in the new year. But for those who started the previous year with high hopes or major plans that left them wanting and unfulfilled at the end of the year, the thought of dreaming and planning again can feel futile. I have definitely been there at times, and I can attest that it makes planning and hoping much more difficult the next time around. However, I am glad to say that more often than not, my times of forward-thinking for the new year have been incredibly rich, encouraging, and fruitful for the rest of the year. Let's find out more about that magic IF that I referenced earlier.

As one who believes strongly in the activity of God in the presence of our daily lives, I see inviting God into our planning for the new year (or any planning for that matter) as of utmost importance in dreaming and planning that is fruitful. That's not to say that those who do not involve God in their planning can't make effective plans that turn out well. Rather, I think he's involved whether we want to believe it or not, and the more we involve him intentionally in the planning process, the more grounded and joyful our planning process will be. Check out the following thoughts from one of the wisest kings who ever lived, King Solomon:


"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." -Proverbs 16:3

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

I see a few things happening here, and these things have proven true time and time again in my own life. The first key I see is this: We all have plans in our heart, many of which we come up with, but in the end, God is going to have his way.

I personally believe that God has his way overall, and that the first proverb I quoted refers to God's plans in that general sense. Notice it says that the Lord's "purpose" prevails rather than his "specific" plans. I am imagining God playing a game of tennis. He's a master athlete in this case, and he knows his intention, but he's going to work with what he is served. There are other times in which he gets to serve, and we, as the other player, get to respond to what he has initiated. Does God want to win the game, get his way? Sure he does! (And thankfully, he is a God that has only our best interest at heart, so for him to win is a good thing, as it means a win for us as well.) But he's willing to play in such a way that takes our actions into account. That includes our messing up, and him not getting his way on every serve. Still, his purpose will prevail. He's just a better tennis player than we are. He's God! Or look at it another way. If God is triune, meaning that he is one God but three persons in community (Father, Son--Jesus, and Holy Spirit), then it's as if the God-team is actually 3 players working together! What an advantage! Can you imagine three on one in a tennis match? That seems somewhat unfair, doesn't it? Well yes, it does, if you are looking at it like a regular tennis match where it's one team against the other. But let's look at something else here.

Remember how I said that in the proverbial tennis match with God, his win is our win? Well, let's look at that in terms of our planning and take the tennis metaphor a bit further. What if, in our three-on-one scenario, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit weren't simply whacking that ball against us on the other side but instead inviting us into the rhythm of their racket? What if tennis suddenly became more like an epic juggling game in which, instead of trying to conquer the other player's court, everyone shared the same court, no net, and the only objective was to keep the ball in the air? That's how I see planning with God. He wants to keep the ball in the air and desires to invite us into his rhythm as we do so. He has various strategies, different ways of hitting the ball, various sequences of passing the ball around (remember the three persons involved, along with us as the additional player?). He too (or I could say "they too" if that's less confusing), delights in the myriad of ways that we find to keep the ball in the air, and he wants to partner with us in that. Let's go back to those proverbs I mentioned earlier and look at the latter two.

"Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." -Proverbs 16:3

How does this work, this give-and-take with God? In this juggling-tennis-hybrid scenario (we could cal it "jennis" or "tuggling!"), when we as player number 4 have an idea of what we want to do, the next routine we want to add, we can check it with God, commit it to him, and make sure it fits within the rest of the juggling scheme he's set out for that portion of time. He may use our routine as is or say, "Actually, let's keep the double cascade but substitute the racket we're going to use for this other racket right here." Or he may have some other idea entirely, and say, "No, a double cascade right there won't work with what I've got next. It won't provide enough force for this really awesome trick I want to wow you with." His plans are good, and if we can involve God in our planning process and ask him first what he has in mind, we're better set for the course of action in our year. Some don't plan for the whole year. Some just plan for a season. I tend to do both. Whatever the case, it's so helpful to involve God in the process, since he knows what he wants to do and loves to let us in on it when we ask him. Can you imagine trying to juggle with someone who wasn't listening? That's what I think many of us try to do with our lives when we are not intentionally seeking God for his direction. No wonder the ball drops so much of the time!

I think that sometimes, we are so used to our plans falling to the ground that we can go to another extreme by discounting our own involvement in the tennis match altogether, saying instead, "Only you, God, not what I want, but what you want!" Sound familiar? How about this one? "My plans always fail, so I can't trust myself or my thoughts any longer. God, just tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I don't want to screw up again." We'd rather let God do all of the juggling for us, or else tell us every single move to make so we don't get out of sync and drop the ball--or get hit by it. But we needn't fear either. Check out that final proverb:

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Here, we see a person making a plan, and God establishing the person's steps! Did you get that? If not, read it again because it's really good! Sometimes we are so afraid of trusting our hearts, but in this case, the heart of this person is planning a course of action, and it is God who is establishing the steps to get there, making them firm. I sense that there's a bi of Proverbs 16:3 in the works here. Player Us and Player God are working together, juggling tennis balls, with tennis rackets. We just said, "Whoa, God! Now that I see what rhythm your juggling in, I just got this crazy idea of a routine that would go really well! I have the first few parts and the last part, but I don't know what to put in between. What do you think? Can you help me figure it out? Will this work?" More often than not, if we're in God's flow, he'll fill in the details for us, or give us clues here and there but leave a lot of the figuring out to ourselves, to strengthen our own confidence as master tugglers (no, that wasn't a typo...I've decided I like the hybrid term created earlier, and I'm using it as a verb). In this scenario, there needn't be any fear of messing up because we're tuggling with someone who knows how to catch every ball that we whack, whether we hit it too hard or too soft. He's a master tuggler, remember, and he will establish our steps as we stay in sync with him. And what if we get out of sync? There is still no reason to fear. King David, who just happened to be the father of King Solomon, also shared some great wisdom on this subject in one of his songs. He wrote,
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand." -Psalm 37:23-24

Beautiful, right? Another translation of the same passage of song begins it this way, "IF the Lord delights in one's way, he makes her steps firm." Ah, so there is the magic IF! How are we to know if God delights in our way? Well, if we're delighting in his way, he is delighting our ours. When you love someone, you begin to partner with them more, their desires start to sync with your desires, and vice versa. So, if we receive God's love, we can begin to love him back, and gradually we begin to walk in ways that are delightful to both him and us.

"I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!" --Psalm 37:23-24 (this from the ESV translation)

Who's ready to run? Who's ready to trust your heart? Who's ready to TUGGLE? Wait...who's serve is it again? ;-)

Playful Spirit

I wrote this poem after feeling such immense love directed towards me after I had woken up the other day. I hope you enjoy and experience the same love in increasing measure.

Playful Spirit by David Ello

Oh, to be roused
by the One who creates with a whisper,
that wonderful Spirit of Winter wooing,
laughing at the child's bedside
anticipating an ambush of Joy to be sprung!

Arms flung wide
and always ready
to embrace the ones who will soon awake,
who is this God that longs to play,
who dotes upon a speck of dust?

Jesus, Spirit, Perfect Father,
three-in-one and One in Three,
beckon me to company,
since I'm in you, and you're in We.

An Ode to the One Who Fixes Things

Reading the book of Luke this morning, I was inspired afresh by what a healer Jesus was (and is), and how incredible it is that he actually seeks to fix broken parts of people's lives. Amazing. This is my response in poem. I hope you enjoy it.

An Ode to the One Who Fixes Things
by David Ello

Glue it back together,
fractured leg of figurine,
set it oh so gently,
and watch it stand anew.

Hold this broken necklace,
the clasp no longer closing,
this show of severed silver,
unite around my neck.

Torch this dying fire,
paltry pyre of soot and sticks,
douse it with your oil and flame,
and we shall dance in reds and yellows.

Fear, Challenge, and the Potential for Growth

What is fear? Why do we fear it? What power does it have? And why do we, who host it from time to time, give it such power?

These are questions I am beginning to ask in preparation for writing a new short play.

This exploration of fear was spawned by by a realization I had recently in regard to how I'm reacting to some of my current classes as a grad student. (Like the litany of "r's" in that last sentence? Oh, alliteration.) The realization had to do with fear and how I have been hesitant at the idea of participating in different activities involving acting. Given my first 16 years of schooling providing ample opportunity (and later, training) in acting, this present fear of acting in my graduate classes should have no place. Yet there it is. What's going on?

One of the video assignments in my Inquiries into Teaching and Learning class shed some light on what I think the problem is here. This video on this idea by Carol Dweck will give you the gist of it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTXrV0_3UjY

In my case, it has to do with knowing that I have some talent and not wanting to negate that in the eyes of others (or my own eyes) by screwing up. So I'm fearful of trying something, showing that I'm rusty, not having acted in anything in a year (and the pressure is compounded given that I'm in New York City, Theatrical Mecca of Actors in the United States, full of some of the greatest talent this country has to offer). But why the fear? What's going to happen if I screw up, if I try an acting exercise and find that I am indeed off the mark a bit, not as adept as I once was (or can be in periods of more focused training)?

If you watched the video I posted a link for in the above paragraph, you heard about something called the Fixed Mindset and the Growth Mindset. The Fixed Mindset (according to Dweck) responds to praise of innate talent by not wanting to do things that prove that praise to be in error. In other words, someone who's been told "You're talented," may not want to venture into something more difficult for them after experiencing some level of failure in that difficult area, for fear that it might expose a falsehood about that praise. To condense it further, "You're talented," turns into, "You're not talented," when the Fixed Mindset is presented with something much more challenging than usual. Counter that with the Growth Mindset, which is stimulated by praise of one's efforts, not their talents, and according to Dweck, encourages one to take on challenges for their growth potential, no longer worry about whether or not they are talented. There is potential to get better, so the challenge is looked upon as an opportunity. How does all of this play into fear?

In the second mindset, the Growth Mindset, it seems that fear has less of a place. It's focused more on gaining rather than losing, on adding to knowledge or skill rather than subtracting from or negating it.

What if, instead of listening to fear, "Don't do that, you might expose your weakness," I, and others faced with a challenge, listened instead to the thought that says, "If it turns out more difficult than you thought, then doing it will give you an opportunity to find out and to get better at it." Whoever said that failure had to have such a weighty consequence? (Well, society perhaps says that to us all the time in a number of ways, and failure is rarely fun.) What happens if we stop trying to avoid failure and start focusing more on building skills that will by simple consequence result in increased success?

The one who is afraid to fail is less likely to try. I want take fear out of the equation. How to go about it? Try and fail enough times to find that failing is not so bad after all? Or try so many times to realize that success actually comes more often than failure?

Who said I was so rusty anyway? Who said I was prone to such failure? Where is that negativity coming from? I'm a trained actor. Key word: trained. So, rather than focusing on talent, shouldn't I focus on continuing that which helped to cultivate and sharpen that talent these many years past? On the TRAINING? And that implies something else: to try.

Allow me to spin the spotlight on you for a minute. Where are you afraid to try? Who told you that you'd fail? Others? Yourself? Past experience? Whether those voices are true or false (and I daresay most of the time they're false), why don't you step right past Fear's "Do Not Cross" rope and into the realm of possibility? Fail three times you might, but in the process, you might just gain (or sharpen) the skills necessary to succeed a hundred times after.

Shall we try and grow together?

P.S. For those of you who want to look at this from a spiritual lens, see this parable on investment that Jesus told to describe how his kingdom works. Check it out (this is the Message paraphase by Eugene Peterson)

"14-18 It’s also like a man going off on an extended trip. He called his servants together and delegated responsibilities. To one he gave five thousand dollars, to another two thousand, to a third one thousand, depending on their abilities. Then he left. Right off, the first servant went to work and doubled his master’s investment. The second did the same. But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master’s money.

19-21 After a long absence, the master of those three servants came back and settled up with them. The one given five thousand dollars showed him how he had doubled his investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’

22-23 The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master’s investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.’

24-25 The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’

26-27 The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest.

28-30 “‘Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this 'play-it-safe' who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.’" -Matthew 25:14-30

Caffeinated by a King or The Joy of Getting Over Yourself

What do you think when you hear this phrase? "Oh, just get over yourself!" Does it offend your deep sense of individual entitlement, the petting of ego that most Westerners are so accustomed to? Or is it liberating?

This morning, as I was reading and trying to hear from God, I felt like he said just that, albeit in nicer terms: "Get over yourself, David, and onto me, onto others, and you'll find more of what you need." I love it when he does that--you know--the counter-intuitive "I'm God, so I can say things that normally wouldn't make sense but they actually do 'cause I said them" way of going about things. Yes, some of you know exactly what I'm talking about and are smiling as you read this.

Anyhow, as I thought about this more, dialoguing with God in my head and heart, I began to taste freedom and joy.

"Freedom from what?" you may ask.

Having just moved across the United States to one of the biggest, craziest cities in America, there has been a lot of self-reflection and focus on getting my needs met. This is quite natural for anyone who has just moved somewhere, as there's a lot to think about pertaining to self: "How can I get this setup? Where can I plug into community? How long will it be 'til I feel settled here? Am I investing in the right activities and the right people? Is this or that a proper use of my time?" I, I, I, my, my my. Makes sense, right? There's nothing wrong with being there for awhile. But to stay there...oh, to stay in that self-focused state, that's the trap.

Before I moved here, in asking God for any strategies that might be helpful in getting settled, here's what I sensed him telling me. It caught me by surprise: "David, when you get to New York, don't think about how you can find community for yourself. Instead, think about how you can create community for others, and in that, you'll find what you need."

Wow. Total Jesus-Yoda moment (of course, he didn't phrase it in "Community you shall find, when community you make" but you get the idea). And I was thinking about this further this morning. The more that we focus on self, the more we become concerned with our own personal lack, and it's easy to forget about serving others. On the flip-side, as we serve others, we can begin to get our minds off of our own felt-needs, find a new level of release from those needs, and hopefully realize our needs getting met in the context of community as we seek to meet the needs of others.

Paul said it this way in a letter he wrote to this church in a city called Philippi: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. -Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

(Funny enough, this was the verse of the day on a site I visit often called "Bible Gateway." It seems there's a theme to this day.)

"Count others more significant than yourselves?" Really? I have read this verse multiple times before, and it always challenges me. But when I get down to the brass tacks of it, it make sense. I remember a very talented musician and speaker in a church I was a part of once breaking this down saying that if we were really mostly concerned about meeting the needs of others in the context of intentional, loving community, then no one would really need to worry about his or her needs getting met, and everyone would be covered. (Thank you, Shae Cottar. This has stuck with me for years, now.)

I think the problem comes when we begin to think about how community, God, or the world at large might fail us if we do just that, as it kind of takes the "other," whoever that other might be, in order to make this work. And we've all experienced the failure of others, right? Likewise, we know all too well our own propensity to drop the ball when it comes to serving someone else.

But what if we didn't have to fear? What if---let's say, we could take our focus off of ourselves in such a way that we could really make life more about serving someone else above our own interests, KNOWING with FULL CONFIDENCE that our needs would be cared for. (I am not advocating an abdication of personal responsibility or a lack of awareness of our individual role to play in our own lives. I take that as a given as responsible adults. I'm rather trying to combat an extreme.) What if we could rely on something or someone totally reliable, knowing we'd be taken care of every single time?

Some of you can see where I'm going with this, and I don't mean for this to come off as some sort of bait-and-switch blog post. My destination of thought, however, is that God is the one who can and will meet our needs if we let him, and he'll even use other people, unreliable, fickle others to do so as we get our focus off of ourselves and onto him and others. I've experienced this time and again.

Jesus, addressing a crowd of worriers who had even more immediate reason to worry about their needs being met than most of us do, said,

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:31-34

Note the word "kingdom." Jesus speaks about seeking the KINGDOM of God, which in my mind denotes two things: there is a king in this domain (king-dom...king's domain), and there is a community, the kingdom. What is a king and a king's domain without subjects to enjoy in that domain? So as we are seeking first this kingdom (and the righteousness that Jesus speaks of), I think it is a call of liberation, to focus on God, the King, who is the true center of all things and on building up others in that kingdom. If we are centered on God and on others, we are properly oriented. If, however, we make ourselves the center, how disorienting that can be! (Most of us can't even sustain the same emotional center through the span of a day by our own volition. So how could we ever act as our own anchor?)

If that word "righteousness" in the above quote throws you off any or causes you more anxiety by putting the focus back on yourself and how "you need to be more righteous," I would hope allay your concern by suggesting that even that issue is covered by the one who calls us to focus on himself. It's my belief that Jesus calls us to focus on the kingdom of God and his righteousness as a call to relief, since it is after all HIS righteousness that we are to seek, not something originating from ourselves.

It's like a free cup of chai. He made it, it originates with him, yet we have to seek it, put out our hand and drink it in as he willingly offers it to us daily. (Yeah, I had to throw the chai reference in there. You were wondering when that might come, weren't you?) And when you think about it that way, who can make the better chai, you or him? (I must admit, I make a really nice home-brewed chai, so that can be a hard metaphor for me if I think about it too literally. But Jesus IS the chai and the one who introduced me to it, so I know he'd win the contest, hands-down--my hands. He'll do the work.)

So what are we waiting for? I wonder what will happen today as the result of putting others before ourselves, focusing on a king, his kingdom, and his way of doing things...Kingdom Caffeination, baby!

Forever Chai: Navigating What's Supposed to Last...When it Doesn't

Sometimes, things disappear. In fact, with time, almost all things do.

"My David, that's a bleak way to start, don't you think?"

Stick with me, and you may enjoy where this is going. It's going to get good.

A few days ago, I set up a meeting at one of the only places I know of to get good, home-brewed chai in Chicago: Safari Cup. Imagine my surprise when I arrived to an empty shell of the coffee shop that once provided by most beloved substance. (Sound familiar? Something similar happened with me in regard to Borders Cafes years ago.) The only trace of the haven where I once enjoyed such solace with my beloved beverage was a sign with the old shop's logo on the side of the building, boasting of what had been but is, alas, no longer. After some discouragement, I was actually encouraged by this stark reminder of a truth that feels very important for me to remember in this season of letting go and preparing for what's to come. That's what I want to spend some time exploring today.

I am someone who places great value on people, experiences, places, and anything else in my life that provides me with the rich flavors of life. I value these so much, in fact, that it is very hard for me to let go of them when they are longer present. Something feels irreconcilable in this, as if I could never forget these rich fountains that once flowed so beautifully and freely in my life but have stopped flowing for various reasons. In my heart, I'm longing for the eternal, as Solomon wrote in his famous book of wisdom, Ecclesiastes:

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart..." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Unfortunately, we live in a tension of this temporal life on earth and the promise of all things being made new through Jesus, banishing death once and for all. So what are we to do in the in between, the reality of things passing away and the equal reality of our human desire for what's beautiful to remain forever? I think the answer may have to do with one word: process.

Process implies movement. In life, there is movement from one moment to another, one stage to the next, and in order to move to, there must be a moving from. I spoke earlier about wanting to hold onto what's beautiful from the past. And while memories have their place, they are not a very sustainable place to live. A prophet named Isaiah hit this right on the nail as he was claiming to speak on God's behalf. I think God was giving the people of that old time a key to life that also applies to our lives here today. He says,

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 43:18-19

Did you catch that? It seems impossible to forget the past completely, especially those things which were very beautiful or even painful. Both beauty and pain can cut us so deeply. Sometimes, beauty can cause the most pain when it's no longer a present reality. And I think that's what Isaiah is getting at here. Forget the things of the past in as much as they are causing you to live in the past. There's no life there. There's no chai at Safari Cup in Chicago any longer. It's somewhere else! So take your eyes off of the rearview mirror and look ahead at the surroundings in front of you so that you can see where the chai is located now. I use the metaphor of chai, but you can insert just about anything here.

What I often do, and I think what many of us end up doing when some major, life-giving establishment no longer remains is that we fixate on the ruins, either lamenting or re-imagining what was inside, and hoping that this will somehow change things. It doesn't. The next big thing might just be across the street, or a few blocks down. Maybe it's being built so it's visibility is not the highest on your reality radar. But if we'll take our eyes off of the old thing and look up, we might just see what's coming. He says, "See, I am doing a new thing!" I love that. "SEE!" I also love that the places where God builds something new for us are often in the places that we would least expect, the places that are hitherto unexplored by us...the wilderness...the wasteland.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned a verse from Ecclesiastes, but I specifically left off the second part of the verse, until now. Here is the full version: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Beginning to end...If we can live in the present, enjoy the process, and look to the future, we won't get stuck dwelling in the past...or trying to drink chai in a building that's vacant.

Pain, Progress, and The Scarlet Pimpernel

In all great epics, some tragedy of immense proportion is required in order for the hero or heroine to achieve their final victory. In fact, it seems as though the greater the loss and trial that the protagonists face, the greater and sweeter is their reward in the end.

This was my consolation this afternoon as I was musing upon the grief that has come to steadily visit me in regular intervals over the past two months or so, a grief that continually causes me to beg the questions, "When will this end, and why is it so darn hard?"

I was reading The Scarlet Pimpernel earlier today, the classic novel upon which my all-time favorite musical of the same name is based, and as I was reading and pondering the difficulties that Percy Blakeney must overcome, it was as if God spoke to me, saying, "All great heroes experience a crucible of soul and spirit, and it makes for a better story in the end. So also with you."

Do I presume to be a hero? Well not yet necessarily, but I will say that with my romantic notions of the world and my place within it, I have always wanted to be a hero and aspired to lead a revolution which brings freedom to many who are suffering at the hands of injustice, be it cultural, personal, or otherwise. I want my life to truly count for something, to live an epic adventure and to lead others in securing victory on behalf of others, much like Percy and his valiant league in The Scarlet Pimpernel. But that requires risk, and with risk, loss...and with loss, the hope and tenacity to press forward.

Is the pain always worth the favorable outcome that may not come 'til the very end of the story? Is the chapter of suspense, mistaken understandings, or downright despair worth the pages of glory and valor that are to follow? I must believe it. I do believe it. What we stand to gain must be worth the pain. Sometimes the pain we endure in a tough situation is the only way to enlarge our capacity for what's coming next...or what's coming forth.

This has certainly been true in my life. In my five years of living in Chicago, I have experienced some of the most remarkable victories, and the intensity of joy that I experienced was matched by the intensity of pain that I felt either before or after those victories were had. Two of them were

-Relocating from a smaller (albeit healthy) theatrical climate in Houston to a much larger theatrical city, Chicago, with far more opportunities for me as a playwright.

-Producing the world premiere of my original musical, "Master of Dreams," as work seven years in the making.

These two victories were the hardest feats I have ever accomplished, the strains of which tested the mettle of my very soul to show me what God has made me of...and where I am still in dire need of his assistance. Yet in all of the prodding, testing, and stretching, they added to me skills and strengths that will make me even more effective for larger feats to come. This was certainly true when producing my first professional show, a kids musical entitled "King David: LIVE!" While I came up to Chicago wanting to produce Master of Dreams first, I could never produced a show of that scale without first cutting my teeth on a smaller production (a cast of 3 versus a cast of 7, very little set and budget compared with a larger set, theatre, and budget, and so forth). I'm confident that God knows what we need to get to the next thing, and we can't skip out on what's in between. This often includes pain.

If there is any doubt remaining in regard to the worth of present and necessary pain to produce something greater, Jesus' words to his disciples in a time of their grief seem relevant:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy. Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you."
-John 16:20-22

I love that. Who can relate to the rest of the world rejoicing while you weep? And to times of grief finally turning into joy? The day always comes. The pain has the potential to enlarge one's capacity. And in the best cases, something new and eternal is born which brings a joy that will not be taken away like the rest.

In the words of The Scarlet Pimpernel,

"Someone has to face the valley,
Rush in, we have to rally and win, boys!
When the world is saying not to,
By God, you know you've got to march on boys!

Never hold back your step for a moment!
Never doubt that your courage will grow!
Hold you head even higher and into the fire we go!"

(From The Scarlet Pimpernel: The New Musical Adventure,
Words by Nan Knighton, Music by Frank Wildhorn)

Summer's Winter: Seasons of the Soul

What happens when the season around you is not the same as the season within you? How are you to proceed when it's winter outside but springtime in your heart, or summer outside but winter within?

I am experiencing such a juxtaposition in this current season of my life, and I've had a discovery which I hope will be helpful to others in navigating the seasons of their life.

At the time of this writing, it is mid-June, and I find myself still at the beginning of a beautiful, Chicago summer, with its blissful sunbeams and the perfect combination of cool and warmth blended in the breeze boasting of promise and long-awaited rest. Everybody in Chicago loves the summer. It's what keeps so many of us here to endure what often feels like a never-ending winter (and a sometimes brutal one at that). So why is it that this summer I couldn't be happier for summer to be over? I daresay it has to do with my internal season.

If you have read any of my previous posts from the past few months, you may be able to infer that the earlier months of this year, those of the winter, actually, were quite a marvelous season for me, given the abundance of life and fulfillment that I was experiencing in the gifts that God had provided for me. Aside from the fact that I have a special place in my heart for snow, I am convinced that my experience of the physical season of winter was tempered by the incredible springtime bursting with new life and hope within my soul and spirit. The springtime (or summer) of my soul brought the flowering of new love, and with it, several new experiences through which God brought immense fulfillment and healing to some very deep parts of me.

As with all seasons, however, some plants survive, while others do not. Externally, winter was turning to spring while whispering wistfully of the summer that would come. Internally, I felt a swift cold front and all that naturally follows.

I was crying to God recently, lamenting all of the pain that I have been experiencing both with the death of this relationship and the ebb of other friendships and landmarks that have been very life-giving to me during my time here in Chicago. I was reckoning the fact that I am going to be leaving this place in a matter of months to begin a new journey in New York City, and while excited for the implications of that new journey, I was keenly aware of the deep loss that will accompany such a relocation. I experienced such a relocation 5 years ago, moving from Houston, TX to Chicago, IL for further pursuit of original theatre work, and while the rewards have been many and worth the cost, the loss and pain preceding the prize was immense. What was adding to my grief and frustration in the midst of my lament before God was the acute awareness of summer, with its festivals, its light, the myriad of joy in fellowship that it always brings...and the fact that my internal temperature was incongruent.

That same night, not long after, God spoke to me gently, saying, "David, this is a winter for you. You just came out of a glorious season, and it was beautiful in its time. Even so, this is a different season characterized by things dying so that other things can grow in their place when the next season begins. Embrace the season, knowing that it is not going to be easy, nor is it supposed to be---death and goodbyes are not fun---and you will experience greater peace in the midst of it."

Was God being morbid? No, I don't think so. He speaks often of the joy that we can have in the midst of abundance or lack and the joy that his presence brings whatever the circumstances. Just see the Psalms or any of Paul's writings for such descriptions. No, it wasn't morbidity that God was after when speaking to me about this season of death, but rather a mature, face-to-face look at the reality as it stood (and stands) at the present moment. This is not going to be easy, and my life is slowly shutting down in this place, so I should proceed in a manner appropriate to the season. You don't plant new seed in the middle of winter or expect a harvest in the middle of a snowstorm. (Yes, anything is possible with God, but I am speaking generally right now.) Funny enough, I did have more peace after recognizing this season and accepting it. Did I receive comfort in that moment? No. But I did receive some peace...and a bit of hope.

Accepting the season as a winter released me from feeling guilty about my lack of festivity and gaiety over the season of summer. It's summer on the outside, and while I will try to enjoy of it what I can, I need not feel bad about wanting it to be over. What I am experiencing is a normal progression, and God is with me in that, not expecting me to be in a place that I am not.

Here is the main reason this gives me such hope. If I am currently in a winter, that means that a springtime is coming soon when ice melts and new life bursts forth with the brilliance of a sunrise after a long, cold night. Ironically, my internal springtime will come in an external season which has always been so life-giving to me, that of the fall--also coinciding with my birthday, celebrating my third decade. What a perfect picture of death and rebirth, the ending of one year and the beginning of another.

Solomon had it right when he said that there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the sun. I encourage you to consider what season you may be in right now and to ponder how you might work with that season, not against it. Would you wear a wintercoat in the heat of the summer? Or shorts in the winter? Check your soul...and if you can't figure out what season you're in, there is One who knows the weather of your life much better than you or I ever could. He can calm a storm in an instant, calling for peace until you current passage ends and a new one begins. Just ask Jesus. He might even invite you for drink of chai...and chai is good for every season. ;-)

" A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Imposter Emotions or How to Walk on Water

Imposters...What comes to your mind when you hear that? An image of unwanted guests breaking into your living space? Somebody hacking into your private information on a computer or other electronic device? How about an emotion?

Yes, you read correctly. Have you ever thought of emotions as imposters? I don't mean all emotions of course, as we all know that emotions are a normal and healthy part of the human life. But what if some emotions that are valid some of the time are, in fact, not valid all of the time? What if some are not actually ours to carry when they come? This is what I want to explore today, as I have had a recent discovery in this area that may be immensely helpful for anyone reading this. Sound interesting? Read on!

The modern (or post-modern), Western society of which I am a part seems to have gotten a very good grip on diagnosing emotions as a normal, healthy part of life as we know it, whereby the more we can be honest with what we are feeling, the better we can assess what is going on and how to move forward. Feeling joy? Be joyful! Feeling sorrow? Perhaps it is time to embrace that sorrow and grieve so that the emotion can have its proper place and joy can come again. But what of times when we feel something like sorrow, grief, or immense fear, seemingly out of no where and are suddenly ambushed by a barrage of negative feelings? Have you ever felt yourself crushed like this, and the more you flailed, the deeper you began to sink in the emotional quicksand, with what felt like little hope of getting out? I have. It is times like these that I think the imposters have come in, and the more sudden the relief, the greater the sign that it was an imposter emotion in the first place. Let me explain.

Two days ago, I read an email that triggered some negative emotions for me. Normal right? Yes, emotional triggers can be quite normal, especially when we are in a process of healing and some of our heartstrings are still tender in areas. However, the intensity of the emotions that I was feeling after being triggered was way beyond what felt appropriate given what I was reacting to and the real scenario at hand. It was as if I had taken a medical cocktail from Dr. Jekyll's personal stash, with sudden, swirling side effects of extreme pain, fear, and an incredibly intense desire to escape with little hope that anything I could do woud help. Sound crazy? It was. I had no reason to feel those intense emotions at that time, especially given what I was reacting to and the reality at hand. Soon enough, I realized that these emotions were not valid for those moments, as opposed to other difficult emotions that I had worked through in a previous grieving period. These, unlike those healthy emotions, were what I am calling the imposters; emotions that make us feel they are in their rightful place yet have no right to enter or stay where they have intruded.

You may now be asking, "How is he so sure that these were lying emotions? Sometimes we just feel what we feel."

Sometimes, yes. But sometimes, no...not at all. Here is part of why I think these were lying emotions and how we can expose them for what they are, towards removing them from where they are not welcome.

1. Healthy emotions, those in their rightful place, are productive. Whether joyful or painful, when we are experiencing emotions in the right way, I have found that they lead to something worthwhile. For instance, if the valid emotion is sorrow or deep grief, experiencing the grief and processing through it (whether through crying, ruminating, or whatever else) typically brings one to a place of release where what's necessary has been felt and the next wave of positive emotions like joy can enter again. Imposters, on the other hand, are not productive at all. They simply keep one stuck in an extreme with no promise of progressing towards something on the other end. This experience that I had the other day was just that.

2. Imposters exaggerate reality and twist it into something much larger than it actually is, making us feel small in the midst of whatever is being imposed upon us. These imposters are often fed when we give into speculation, feeding imaginations of what could be in a scenario (often negative) and what might have happened or will happen, versus looking at whatever facts are known. Healthy emotions, in my experience, often interact with what is known. Imposters, by contrast, offer heaps of the unknown, often presenting worse-case scenarios to partner with our imagination in one of the most destructive of ways. (I am speaking mainly of imposter emotions that mirror the negative. Those which mirror the positive would be best served by another discussion.)

3. Imposter emotions can be rid of quickly when they are dealt with as such. When we expose imposter emotions for what they are, we can readily kick them out, and the result is an expedient, marked shift in one's emotional atmosphere. The quick sand is suddenly dry ground, the tempestuous sky once riddled with dark clouds is surprisingly clear, and the light that has penetrated makes way for clarity of thought and vision. What was overwhelming moments before now seems preposterous, out of place, unnecessary.

How are we to deal with these imposters? As with many of my posts before, I would like to draw upon the wisdom of an age-old text here, one that has proven fruitful in helping me navigate life's complexities on multiple levels. The truth is that the way I got out of the clutches of the imposters I spoke of was by calling out to others and to Jesus in prayer. I have found Jesus to be very effective at driving out imposters, which in my belief sometimes equate with evil, harassing spirits, and other times turn out to be simply lying emotions. More often than not, I think it is a combination of the two. Regardless of what you believe the source of of imposter emotions is, here are two things that I did, both of which are based on practical, spiritual principals from the Bible.

1. Reach out for help. Isolation is a great envrionment for imposter emotions to continue their assault. King David, who experienced a great deal of hardship both before and during his kingship, wrote this in one of his songs to God:

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." -Psalm 16:8

Rather than isolating and looking inward, David would remember to look outside of himself to the presence of the One who was with him, even at his right hand. Sometimes this looks like reaching out to others to pray for us or encourage us as an extension of God's presence in our life.

2. Expose the lie, cast it down, and declare what's true. Remember what I wrote earlier about speculation and how imposter emotions often feed us heaping spoonfuls of the unknown? It's the equivalent of chewing on gravel; it hurts our teeth, can make us choke, and does nothing good for our digestive system. Speculative rumination is not productive. So determine what the speculations are, declare instead what is known and what is true, and tell those speculations to leave, that they no longer have any power to dominate with their phantom truths. Truth always overpowers the lie when truth is upheld. Often it is helpful or even required to have someone else work with us in separating the truth from the lies in a situation. Jesus is immensely helpful in this. Check out what he did for his friend and disciple Peter when Peter and the other disciples were taken aback by the sight of Jesus walking on the water:

"But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'

'Lord, if it’s you,' Peter replied, 'tell me to come to you on the water.'

'Come,' he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?' " -Matthew 14:27-31


There is so much to mine from this, but for our purpose here, I will simply point out that Peter was in a risky situation, allowed imposter emotions to get the better of him, and Jesus remedied that by catching him when he was sinking...IMMEDIATELY. Isn't that great? For those who look to Jesus, he will immediately catch us when we cry out to him. Often, he does bring us into situations that can naturally bring doubt, fear, or other difficult emotions. But none of these remain valid when Jesus is leading us into a situation as he was here, because we are safe with him. Jesus is king over fear.

Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament and experienced hardship after hardship, also knew the power of speculation and the greater power of bringing speculation to Jesus:

"We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." -2 Corinthians 10:5

Once again, there is an emphasis on contrasting the unknown with the known, "speculations" versus "knowledge," and bringing speculation under the authority of one who can do something about it. That's what I did, with the help of my brother as we prayed on the phone the other day. The shift that took place was remarkable.

Wherever you are approaching this from, whether a purely naturalistic standpoint or including the spiritual as I have done (which I believe is the more holistic and complete route to full freedom in these areas), I would like to ask you, what imposter emotions might you be allowing in your life right now? What is valid for the present, and what is no longer necessary for your current emotional journey? And who is there to help you to expose the imposters? Who can you call out to? Might you see Jesus out there, seeking water-walkers like himself?

See you on the water.

Gatsby, Love, Death, and the Elusive, Green Light

Last night I saw Baz Luhrmann's mesmerizing film adaptation of The Great Gatsby, and given the state of transition that I find myself in currently, the film struck many chords in my heart and mind on multiple levels. I was particularly impacted by what the film seemed to say about the perils of holding to the past too tightly in an attempt to prolong something that is no longer relevant to the present. This I would like to explore with some thoughts from my own musings with God in the Bible the past few days, and a U2 reference thrown in for good measure. If this sounds like interesting food for thought, please, join me as I digress.

For those of you familiar with the book by F. Scott Fitzgerald or who have recently seen the new film adaption (or the old one, for that matter, though I don't know how good it is), the affluent Gatsby spends an incredible amount of time, thought, and personal resource towards reclaiming a past love that in his mind is meant to be his again. (Spoiler alert, important info coming up, fyi.) However, as the story unfolds and Gatsby's plans play themselves out, he is left with little more than a fleeting phantom of the love that he once shared with the ethereal yet earth-bound Daisy. Ultimately, Gatsby's attempts to recreate and reform a fractured past disintegrate in a beautifully tragic sequence of his great love retreating back into herself, away from Gatsby and the subsequent death of our tragic hero. Were this a Greek tragedy, we might say that hope, while his greatest strength, also turned out to be Gatsby's tragic flaw, the hamartia leading to the hero's impending death. Much like Gatsby's fixation upon the green light across the water, flashing on and off in the distance signaling the hope of a dream deferred yet sought after again, so also the object of his desire in Daisy proved to be a waning light, on, then off, beckoning in the distance, yet never to remain steady.

Okay, are you depressed yet? If so, this is not my intent, but I suppose you may be feeling the weight of the above scenario as I am as I write this. Thus, I would like to introduce the hope. If hope can be a flaw, a hope to reclaim a past that is no longer supposed to be or able to be, then where is the place for present hope? I believe it comes in putting the past to death and beginning a new journey, letting the green light fade, and finding a new direction in which to focus one's gaze. Some may take this to mean something relationally, as if I were implying that this is simply about saying goodbye to and old season of love and finding a new object of affection to fixate upon. While this can certainly be the case, I think the concept of hope in a new direction applies in a much broader way. It has to do with new experiences, a new ways of living, being, new environments and circumstances, and a willingness to leave the familiars of the past in order to step into these fresh gifts with eyes and heart clear and open. We've got to leave the state that U2 so poignantly sings about with in their album All That You Can't Leave Behind: "You've got to get yourself together. You got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."

I was in a food establishment recently where I had heard the chai was most excellent, and the time of day finally allowed me test that mettle of this praise. To my great delight, the accolade that this chai had received was well deserved, and I felt supremely blessed to have to found another good place in Chicago to enjoy really GOOD chai (something the quality of which is quite hard to find in a restaurant or cafe). Why do I bring this up? Well, in this time, I was reminded of the rewards that can come with risk in seeking out new avenues of sustenance, new environments and opportunities to engage with which can sometimes only be experienced if one is willing to step out of a comfort zone and risk the disappointment or pleasure that the unfamiliar may provide. In this case, the unfamiliar was Native Foods Cafe, a place that I was familiar with in so far as their Vegan chili (Vegan though I am not), yet not certain as to whether or not the chai would meet my expectations. I am thankful that it did. In that same environment, I was also met with another experience which further affirmed this venture into change. The waitress asked me later if I wanted a refill, to which I replied, "Surely it is not a free refill since it is chai, right?" I was pleasantly mistaken, and upon savoring the substance of another round of that heavenly liquid, I thought how in life God also provides us re-fills once our cup is empty (or almost empty), and how in order for a refill to take place, an emptying to some degree must precede it.

Empty your cup. Give it to Jesus for a refill. The old was good, but it's gone. Time for something fresh. New light. New, green light.........GO.


“No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; otherwise the patch pulls away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear results.22“No one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost and the skins as well; but one puts new wine into fresh wineskins.” -Jesus, in Mark 2:21-22


"You've got to get yourself together.
You've got stuck in a moment,
and you can't get out of it.
Don't say that later will be better.
Now you're stuck in a moment,
and you can't get out of it." - U2, from their album All That You Can't Leave Behind

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning-- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby