In Praise of the Plow: On Dirt and Difficulty

Let's pretend that your life is dirt...very valuable dirt at that, precious earth to be cultivated for the sake of a harvest. Some like myself believe that the first man that ever lived was formed out of dirt, after which a Creator God breathed life into him. Whatever you think about that, I think we can agree that in dirt and in life, cultivation of some kind is required in order for the best fruits to grow. And parts of that cultivation process can be painful, especially when it comes to preparing the soil, a process that is known as "plowing." I came across a proverb this morning, and I felt that God gave me some insights on this plowing process that may also prove helpful for you. Let's start digging, shall we?

The proverb that stuck out to me this morning said, "Sluggards do not plow in season; so at harvest time they look but find nothing." -Proverbs 20:4 (NIV)

While I do not consider myself lazy like the sluggard in this proverb, I have experienced times when I thought there would be a bountiful harvest based on seeds that I had planted, yet found little fruit where it seemed there should be. I think I am beginning to understand why that is.

To plow involves the breaking and preparing of earth so that the soil can receive the seeds when they are planted. There may be plots of land that have never been tilled or other fields which, while fertile at one time, have grown hard and unfertile through the changing of seasons. In either case, plowing is necessary. And while plowing can be painful, we would do well to welcome the process for the sake of the most fruitful harvest. If the soil is not prepared before the seeds are sown, the harvest will be minimal or else non-existent. How can we recognize potential plows in our own lives so as to ensure a bountiful harvest in due time? Here are some ideas:

1. Hardship. There is nothing like difficulty to break open our lives to the possibility of something new that may be coming. Any of you who have played sports, studied hard in school, or have simply endured some kind of suffering, can attest to the fact that when we persevere through the difficulties of life, it produces strength in us which makes way for future victories, in the long term or the short. James, the brother of Jesus, had this to say of hardship:

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." -James 1:2-4

I'd go so far as to say that the hardships we endure actually prepare us to both receive and contain the good fruit that is coming later. Without the endurance that hardship produces, we might not be in a heart state to properly steward and keep what we have sought so hard to gain.

2. Change. If you are like me, there are some changes that you welcome and some changes that you absolutely hate. Change often requires growth, adapting to new circumstances or challenges. Yet the adaptability that change brings forth often prepares us to be flexible where needed so that new seeds can grow. Imagine a seed trying to get into hardened soil, saying, "Let me in! I want to put down roots and provide you with a tasty fruit tree!" But the soil says, "No, I'm fine the way I am. There's no room for you here. I'm cram-packed together. I'm not crackin' for nobody!" (Funny how the seed has proper grammar and the soil in this example does not. Perhaps that's another area of growth for this particular soil. Ha!) Do you think much is going to grow here? No. But if the hardened earth has been gradually getting softer as a result of the plowing process, in this case, many changes, there is room to receive the seed and to allow it space to do its own work. Where in your life might you need to flex to provide space for new things that God or others want to plant there?


3.Prayer. Some of you reading this may not believe in prayer, but I encourage you to go with me on this for the sake of the exploration. I believe that prayer is one of the most powerful change agents, since it has to do with the unseen, and much of what happens within the human heart is unseen. We can see the effects of the human heart from a person's outward actions, but rarely do we see what is happening on the inside of a person in full detail. Many of us feel like kings or queens in our own right, and at times, no amount of hardship or change will prepare our hearts in the way that they need to be prepared for the seeds to produce their harvest. But God can change our hearts, make us ready. Another proverb that I love says, "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord. He directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases." -Proverbs 21:1 Are you suffering from a hardened heart or know someone who is? Are you perhaps so burnt out by the hardships and changes that you have endured that instead of opening your heart, they have caused your plot of earth to harden even more? In those cases, seeds of hope and life have little chance to grow. This is where prayer can be so helpful. You or someone you know can pray to God to change the heart, to redirect it like a course of water, wherever God pleases. And if you're praying to the God that I know, the one who makes chai and so many other good things, the destination of his pleasure is going to be a good one.

Really, anything that produces an openness or softening of our hearts can be a plow in our lives. This is so encouraging to me because it means the seemingly pointless struggles that we go through can actually be God's way of preparing us for a bounty of incredible fruitfulness in the next season. And without that plowing process, we might sabotage the very harvest that we seek to sow into. I have been going through a tough season lately, much of it fueled by being "homeless" in New York City for the past month and looking for a new apartment for even longer. Yet this morning, after reading and processing that proverb, I began to thank God for however he is plowing my heart in this time of couch surfing, apartment hunting, and seeming instability. Though I cannot see all that he is doing in my heart, I am confident that this process has been necessary in order for me to enjoy whatever he has for me in the next season. Come harvest time, I'm going to enjoy the fruit that springs from the surface, knowing that the plow made the promise possible.

"So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." -Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

I know it's hard, and sometimes you just want to faint under the heavy heat and hard labor that plowing requires. But as other translations of the above verse say, faint not! You and I will reap our harvest, and this plowing season shall end. Should you think you might faint regardless, join me in looking to the one who never faints, and in so doing, we can become like him.


"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." -Isaiah 40:28-31

How to Deal with Delay, Part Deux...or What to Make of Detours

I had an epiphany while I was in the shower this evening. (Isn't it funny how epiphanies come in the shower? Maybe they don't for everyone, but they certainly often do for me.) In my last post, I used a metaphor of making chai and the readiness of that chai being delayed to convey different options we have as we experience delay in our own lives. In that post, I looked at three options, focusing primarily on the third, which I felt was the best. Check out the post below if you haven't read it and want to bring yourself up to speed. Tonight, I felt I was given a fourth option, and it has to do with the subject of control....or giving it up.

So, continuing the chai metaphor, we have first have three options when dealing with delay (there could be more, but I chose to look at three in the last post):

1)Decide you were given the wrong recipe and wasted time and resources and throw the chai out. It was all a waste. Pity.

2)Realize that you were given the right recipe, that whatever goal you were striving towards (what that chai represents) was in fact correct, but it's just going to take longer to thicken, so keep stirring. The problem here is that you can go stir crazy checking the chai and waiting for it to be ready, whatever that end goal, desire, or dream may be.

3)Get out of the kitchen for awhile and let God stir the chai (it has to be watched over or stirred, otherwise the milk will boil over) while you enjoy the other things he's prepared in the next room. He'll call you if he needs your help stirring, and he'll let you know when the chai is ready. Getting out of the kitchen helps get your mind off of what's not yet and enjoying what already is.

But here's where the fourth option comes in! Are you ready for this?

4)Realize that you were never in charge of making the chai to begin with and just trust God to complete the work from start to finish. Let go of control and just enjoy whatever chai God is making in there, because if he's the one making it, it's going to be good!

Let's look at this another way. Say you have a dream, a vision, a goal, a plan, and you really want to see that happen. You even feel like it was God-given, so it's important for you to stay the course. When things go wrong or not according to plan, if you are like me, you begin to fear that the plan was wrong all along or that you had the right plan but that you have to maintain the course in order to keep everything on track. It's God's plan, but he gave it to you to steward, so you're partly in charge, right? Right? Hmmm...How much are we really in charge of these things? Now, don't get me wrong. I do believe that we get to co-labor with God, that we partner with him in different ways to get things done, and our part is important. But with that said, if God has a specific plan for something really big in our lives, one of these pots of chai we're intent on stewing over, doesn't it stand to reason that he will accomplish it well, whether or not we are getting the full picture/recipe/whatever?

Here's another way to view it. Let us say that you view your life as a story, and you feel like you see a certain storyline about to play out that you need to keep on top of. You're on a quest, an adventure, and you can see where the story is going. But then the story begins to take a turn, and though you know detours can often lead the hero back onto the original journey, the fear sets in that you might actually find yourself at a different destination. So you remember your story, re-tell it to yourself, and convince yourself that the ending is just what you thought it would be, just what you thought you heard, even though that ending has yet to be told. Granted, sometimes, many times, I believe we are given the ending. This is what is often refer to as prophecy, and it's something I've experienced in my life: God telling me things that are yet to come, and those things happening. HOWEVER, and this is the biggie, why do we have to hold such tight control on our story in the first place? While I believe it's important to have a proper view of the story we're in (and I may write a post on that eventually), why do we have to clutch at the details to ensure we know exactly where the story is going when the narrative we expected seemingly starts to derail? I think it has to do with two words: TRUST and CONTROL.

We either TRUST the Storyteller, the one who is writing the story and causing it to unfold, or we try to CONTROL the story. Who can write the better ending? Many would say that they know the best ending to their story. I certainly feel that way about some things. But I'm realizing that if I really trust that the Storyteller, the one who is making my story and allowing me to write certain parts in myself, has my best interest in mind, then the major destination points are going to be to my benefit. He's good, and he has a GOOD story for me to live. My need to be right, to KNOW everything so precisely, will hopefully feel less important as I trust that this Writer is writing something really good for me, as he has proven to me again and again with the way other parts of the story have played out. That is not to say that there haven't been low points in the story, but all of it works together for good. (Sound familiar?)

Do I care if I got the chai recipe right? Do I care about my story ending the way that I think it should and want it to? Yes. But what if I release greater control in the process, trusting that whether or not I get every detail right, the Chai Master himself, the grand Orator, is going to serve up something that caffeinates the soul like nothing else ever could? I'm mixing metaphors, but I think you get my point. The chai, the story, is his...HIS. So we can relax and let him cook it up, write it out. We can just BE. And trust that whatever else comes along that doesn't seem to belong in the chai or add up to the right ending will somehow work out in the most masterful of ways.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." -Isaiah 55:8-11


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Pain, Progress, and The Scarlet Pimpernel

In all great epics, some tragedy of immense proportion is required in order for the hero or heroine to achieve their final victory. In fact, it seems as though the greater the loss and trial that the protagonists face, the greater and sweeter is their reward in the end.

This was my consolation this afternoon as I was musing upon the grief that has come to steadily visit me in regular intervals over the past two months or so, a grief that continually causes me to beg the questions, "When will this end, and why is it so darn hard?"

I was reading The Scarlet Pimpernel earlier today, the classic novel upon which my all-time favorite musical of the same name is based, and as I was reading and pondering the difficulties that Percy Blakeney must overcome, it was as if God spoke to me, saying, "All great heroes experience a crucible of soul and spirit, and it makes for a better story in the end. So also with you."

Do I presume to be a hero? Well not yet necessarily, but I will say that with my romantic notions of the world and my place within it, I have always wanted to be a hero and aspired to lead a revolution which brings freedom to many who are suffering at the hands of injustice, be it cultural, personal, or otherwise. I want my life to truly count for something, to live an epic adventure and to lead others in securing victory on behalf of others, much like Percy and his valiant league in The Scarlet Pimpernel. But that requires risk, and with risk, loss...and with loss, the hope and tenacity to press forward.

Is the pain always worth the favorable outcome that may not come 'til the very end of the story? Is the chapter of suspense, mistaken understandings, or downright despair worth the pages of glory and valor that are to follow? I must believe it. I do believe it. What we stand to gain must be worth the pain. Sometimes the pain we endure in a tough situation is the only way to enlarge our capacity for what's coming next...or what's coming forth.

This has certainly been true in my life. In my five years of living in Chicago, I have experienced some of the most remarkable victories, and the intensity of joy that I experienced was matched by the intensity of pain that I felt either before or after those victories were had. Two of them were

-Relocating from a smaller (albeit healthy) theatrical climate in Houston to a much larger theatrical city, Chicago, with far more opportunities for me as a playwright.

-Producing the world premiere of my original musical, "Master of Dreams," as work seven years in the making.

These two victories were the hardest feats I have ever accomplished, the strains of which tested the mettle of my very soul to show me what God has made me of...and where I am still in dire need of his assistance. Yet in all of the prodding, testing, and stretching, they added to me skills and strengths that will make me even more effective for larger feats to come. This was certainly true when producing my first professional show, a kids musical entitled "King David: LIVE!" While I came up to Chicago wanting to produce Master of Dreams first, I could never produced a show of that scale without first cutting my teeth on a smaller production (a cast of 3 versus a cast of 7, very little set and budget compared with a larger set, theatre, and budget, and so forth). I'm confident that God knows what we need to get to the next thing, and we can't skip out on what's in between. This often includes pain.

If there is any doubt remaining in regard to the worth of present and necessary pain to produce something greater, Jesus' words to his disciples in a time of their grief seem relevant:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy. Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you."
-John 16:20-22

I love that. Who can relate to the rest of the world rejoicing while you weep? And to times of grief finally turning into joy? The day always comes. The pain has the potential to enlarge one's capacity. And in the best cases, something new and eternal is born which brings a joy that will not be taken away like the rest.

In the words of The Scarlet Pimpernel,

"Someone has to face the valley,
Rush in, we have to rally and win, boys!
When the world is saying not to,
By God, you know you've got to march on boys!

Never hold back your step for a moment!
Never doubt that your courage will grow!
Hold you head even higher and into the fire we go!"

(From The Scarlet Pimpernel: The New Musical Adventure,
Words by Nan Knighton, Music by Frank Wildhorn)

Out of the Desert!!!

My friends, it has happened! After 6 months in the desert, God has brought me out and into the next leg of the journey! This past Sunday I got some extra hope while gathering with my church, the Evanston Vineyard, and later on after the screening of "Furious Love" at Oak Park Vineyard. The next day, as I was praying with my roommate for a breakthrough (among other things), I sensed the Holy Spirit say to me, "TODAY." At first I wasn't sure whether to take that in faith and hold God to that, but I finally said, "You know God, I don't want to presume, but I think you're actually telling me that you're going to break through TODAY. So I pray that you would!" About an hour or so later, I get a call from one of the job leads I had interviewed for previously. And BOOM! I'm in. Training started the next day (Tuesday), and the rest is becoming history. It's been a long, hard week of training, but I am so glad to have some stable work after months of piecing together part-time contract gigs.

Here are a few nuggets of remembrance from the desert period. (There are much more, some of which you can read in greater depth through other blog posts here.):

Man really doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that comes from God's mouth. When God says there will be food on the table, or money to pay the rent and bills, there will be. It may not come in the way we expect, but it will be there. Whatever he says, goes.

Performance alone does not create progress. The necessary ingredient is Providence. In this desert, I learned that no matter how hard I strived, it didn't make a lick of a difference in how I was provided for. I know now that everything I have and ever will have is the result of God providing it for me. Sometimes he'll just give it easily, and other times he'll give it in such a way that we have to go out and take it. But the bottom line is that he gives it.

He is faithful, he is faithful, he is faithful. Last week was one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time. Feeling the strain of not having enough work, getting rejected by job leads and not experiencing any progress in terms of the job-search all weighed in on me, with the voice of Satan (or more likely, his minions), saying, "You're gonna fail. God's going to push you out of this place. You'll have to move back home 'cause you can't make it here. Your time is up. Go back. You did what you could." Lies lies lies.

The truth is finely stated in Psalm 44. I'll leave you with this:

"3 It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.

4 You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.

5 Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.

6 I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;

7 but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.

8 In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
Selah " -Psalm 44:3-8

"I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears." -Psalm 34:4

Praise Yahweh, the God of the desert and the Promised Land coming after.

Version 2: Paradigm Shift in the Sand

I had a revelation last night:

The desert is a place to learn about Providence over Performance. It's a place where one can learn to trust in what God provides apart from one's ability to perform well. I'll unpack this more in just a bit, but let's add one more element: Progress.

Here's my natural way of thinking, which I'm calling version 1:

1. Performance -------> Providence -------> Progress

But this way isn't the truth. It's a recipe for burn-out.

Here's a better way of thinking...version 2:

2. Providence---------> Performance ------> Progress

In version 1, my performance is the catalyst for God's providence (or any kind of provision), which in turn creates progress.

In version 2, my performance is the natural outflow of what God is already providing, which leads to progress.

Version 1 is on me; Version 2 is on him.
Version 1 requires self-sufficiency; Version 2 requires God-sufficiency.
Version 1 depends on control; Version 2 relies on trust.


Which is safer? Me or him? Self-sufficiency or God-sufficiency? Control or Trust in God's control?

Oh, it feels safer to trust me...It feels safer to rely on myself. And it feels safer to have "control." But nothing ever works out like this, not for long anyway.

If one can learn to rely on the provision of God in a desert period, when she cannot possibly provide for herself out of her own ability to produce, then when she gets out of the desert and into a more fruitful season, she'll know that the fruit is not the result of her self-creation but of God's sustaining blessing.

Jesus underwent this very testing in the desert. A more fruitful season of life was coming for him, an amazing three years which would culminate in some of the most mind-blowing, reality-altering accomplishments on the planet. But none of these accomplishments were of his own making or own doing. He was continuously dependent on the Father's love and the Father's power given by the Holy Spirit. Jesus learned this amazing reliance in the desert.

Let's look at the dynamics of this as recorded in Matthew 4:1-11:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.


Boom! So there you go. I won't unpack all of this, but I find it very interesting that each of the the devil's attempts at tempting Jesus had to do with performance, action, control.

First the devil tries to get Jesus to manipulate the stone and turn it into bread. But Jesus isn't going to just take matters into his own hands. He's learning to rely on the Father and what the Father tells him to do.

Then the devil wants Jesus to incite God, to test the Father, if you will. In other words, "I don't see God activity right now. If you are really who you say you are and if God is who he says he is, then make him prove it. Do something to get him to respond. Here! Jump off this really high place and get him to send some angels' to save you. Let's see God do a trick!"
But Jesus wouldn't manipulate his Father. He trusted that the Father knew what he was doing and didn't have to prove himself.

Finally we see the devil say, in effect, "Well, obviously the God you're worshipping isn't getting you anywhere, so worship me instead and I'll give you everything you want instantly. Kingdoms, authority, you name it. Worship me, and it's yours."
Once again, Jesus stands his ground, trusting that the one he worships and loves, the one true God, his Father, would provide what he needed and accomplish all the big stuff in the right time. Jesus didn't have to take action in worshipping something else in order to instantly get what he wanted.


Do do do. Perform perform perform. Control and manipulate!

Wait...Trust...Believe. Rest. Receive.

I'm opting for version 2.