Out of the Desert!!!

My friends, it has happened! After 6 months in the desert, God has brought me out and into the next leg of the journey! This past Sunday I got some extra hope while gathering with my church, the Evanston Vineyard, and later on after the screening of "Furious Love" at Oak Park Vineyard. The next day, as I was praying with my roommate for a breakthrough (among other things), I sensed the Holy Spirit say to me, "TODAY." At first I wasn't sure whether to take that in faith and hold God to that, but I finally said, "You know God, I don't want to presume, but I think you're actually telling me that you're going to break through TODAY. So I pray that you would!" About an hour or so later, I get a call from one of the job leads I had interviewed for previously. And BOOM! I'm in. Training started the next day (Tuesday), and the rest is becoming history. It's been a long, hard week of training, but I am so glad to have some stable work after months of piecing together part-time contract gigs.

Here are a few nuggets of remembrance from the desert period. (There are much more, some of which you can read in greater depth through other blog posts here.):

Man really doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that comes from God's mouth. When God says there will be food on the table, or money to pay the rent and bills, there will be. It may not come in the way we expect, but it will be there. Whatever he says, goes.

Performance alone does not create progress. The necessary ingredient is Providence. In this desert, I learned that no matter how hard I strived, it didn't make a lick of a difference in how I was provided for. I know now that everything I have and ever will have is the result of God providing it for me. Sometimes he'll just give it easily, and other times he'll give it in such a way that we have to go out and take it. But the bottom line is that he gives it.

He is faithful, he is faithful, he is faithful. Last week was one of the hardest weeks I have had in a long time. Feeling the strain of not having enough work, getting rejected by job leads and not experiencing any progress in terms of the job-search all weighed in on me, with the voice of Satan (or more likely, his minions), saying, "You're gonna fail. God's going to push you out of this place. You'll have to move back home 'cause you can't make it here. Your time is up. Go back. You did what you could." Lies lies lies.

The truth is finely stated in Psalm 44. I'll leave you with this:

"3 It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.

4 You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.

5 Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.

6 I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;

7 but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.

8 In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
Selah " -Psalm 44:3-8

"I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears." -Psalm 34:4

Praise Yahweh, the God of the desert and the Promised Land coming after.

Version 2: Paradigm Shift in the Sand

I had a revelation last night:

The desert is a place to learn about Providence over Performance. It's a place where one can learn to trust in what God provides apart from one's ability to perform well. I'll unpack this more in just a bit, but let's add one more element: Progress.

Here's my natural way of thinking, which I'm calling version 1:

1. Performance -------> Providence -------> Progress

But this way isn't the truth. It's a recipe for burn-out.

Here's a better way of thinking...version 2:

2. Providence---------> Performance ------> Progress

In version 1, my performance is the catalyst for God's providence (or any kind of provision), which in turn creates progress.

In version 2, my performance is the natural outflow of what God is already providing, which leads to progress.

Version 1 is on me; Version 2 is on him.
Version 1 requires self-sufficiency; Version 2 requires God-sufficiency.
Version 1 depends on control; Version 2 relies on trust.


Which is safer? Me or him? Self-sufficiency or God-sufficiency? Control or Trust in God's control?

Oh, it feels safer to trust me...It feels safer to rely on myself. And it feels safer to have "control." But nothing ever works out like this, not for long anyway.

If one can learn to rely on the provision of God in a desert period, when she cannot possibly provide for herself out of her own ability to produce, then when she gets out of the desert and into a more fruitful season, she'll know that the fruit is not the result of her self-creation but of God's sustaining blessing.

Jesus underwent this very testing in the desert. A more fruitful season of life was coming for him, an amazing three years which would culminate in some of the most mind-blowing, reality-altering accomplishments on the planet. But none of these accomplishments were of his own making or own doing. He was continuously dependent on the Father's love and the Father's power given by the Holy Spirit. Jesus learned this amazing reliance in the desert.

Let's look at the dynamics of this as recorded in Matthew 4:1-11:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written:
" 'He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"

Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.


Boom! So there you go. I won't unpack all of this, but I find it very interesting that each of the the devil's attempts at tempting Jesus had to do with performance, action, control.

First the devil tries to get Jesus to manipulate the stone and turn it into bread. But Jesus isn't going to just take matters into his own hands. He's learning to rely on the Father and what the Father tells him to do.

Then the devil wants Jesus to incite God, to test the Father, if you will. In other words, "I don't see God activity right now. If you are really who you say you are and if God is who he says he is, then make him prove it. Do something to get him to respond. Here! Jump off this really high place and get him to send some angels' to save you. Let's see God do a trick!"
But Jesus wouldn't manipulate his Father. He trusted that the Father knew what he was doing and didn't have to prove himself.

Finally we see the devil say, in effect, "Well, obviously the God you're worshipping isn't getting you anywhere, so worship me instead and I'll give you everything you want instantly. Kingdoms, authority, you name it. Worship me, and it's yours."
Once again, Jesus stands his ground, trusting that the one he worships and loves, the one true God, his Father, would provide what he needed and accomplish all the big stuff in the right time. Jesus didn't have to take action in worshipping something else in order to instantly get what he wanted.


Do do do. Perform perform perform. Control and manipulate!

Wait...Trust...Believe. Rest. Receive.

I'm opting for version 2.